Even though I'm home now, I feel completely homeless.

My future now has a bit of direction. There are quite of few facets of the music industry in which I'm going to attempt to be involved. Actually...I'm already pretty involved. Currently I manage a band that doesn't really do anything, I write for a non existent zine, I'm a part of a do nothing street team for one of the top promoters in St. Louis, I'm the proud part owner of a non existent venue, and if things go well, I'll be helping out with a little label out of St. Louis. Impressed? Thought so.

Alright, so none of this means too much right now. But that doesn't mean I don't want to just quit school right now and start my life. See, when I get passionate about something, I really get passionate. I need that burning desire about something, otherwise nothing seems to get done. Exhibit A: school. Pretty sure I'm passing two or three classes right now. And I don't really attempt to make friends or anything anymore. Not like I'll be talking to these kids after high school. Who cares what they think? This is a very liberating and yet self destructive mentality. Not that I feel like making any effort to change it.

This mentality has also contributed to my non existent relationships with females. I mean, I'm no model, but I know for a fact I've attracted some great girls that I could've very well gone out with, I just didn't want to. I don't want a relationship that's just, "Oh, we're just two kids dating in high school." I want there to be a real connection and actual love (or as close as two high school kids can get) for one other. I don't want to settle. If you read the now infamous(?) Juno blog, you know I want a girlfriend. Just not bad enough to lower my ridiculous standards. As stupid as this sounds, I'm always thinking in the terms of "Would I marry this girl?" And almost always, the answer is an instant no. So I keep searching.

Well that's what's been on my mind as of late. Thanks for reading.

That is why.

I'll recap Friday briefly before getting to the part of the blog you'll all be interested in. Maybe. Thursday night (funny place to start my Friday recap), I watched Lost and then checked the news for school closings, and there was Pattonville. Wizard. So Friday I went to Hope's house to sled and participate in various other snow day activities and some non snow day activities. Sledding is fun. I don't know why it took me 16 years to do it. I don't recommend jumping off a trampoline into the snow though. Said snow tends to make said trampoline a tad slippery. Anyways, around 5:30 we headed to the Creepy for Cobra Starship, Metro Station, and We The Kings. FBR noobs The Cab were in a van accident and didn't play. The venue was filled with teenyboppers. Serious teenies. These girls were pros. They even brought their parents! Yay! I got what I expected. Cobra was great, the rest, eh. Metro Station are seriously pedophiles. They're playing for 14 and 15 year old girls and singing about how bad they want to do some girl, if only she were older. Quite frankly, disgusting. The rest of my weekend was a blur. I feel cheated almost, like there was so much more I wanted to say and to do. Oh well. Gone now.

Thursday night I had some strange dreams, and I thought I'd share them with you. First, I was at a combination movie theater/outdoors store, like a Bass Pro Shops or Cabela's. But there was no movie screen, just a stage, and Showbread was playing a show. So I was like "Sweet, I love these dudes." But then this kid who I apparently knew kept talking to me, and he was obnoxious, so I ran away. I ended up lost in the outdoors store, running into deer and such. So I ran down some stairs into some sort of beauty salon where some ladies were discussing leg hair. They started to review mine, and touch my legs, so I ran away. I never did find my way back to the show either. Schucks.

Later that night, I had another odd dream. Is there any other kind? Anyways, this time I logged onto myspace to find that I had won a trip to Chicago to hang out in the studio with Every Time I Die and get a chance to scream on their album. ETID does not record in Chi-town, nor can I scream, so this was all strange. I had also won a game of one-on-one with Michael Jordan. So he shows up at this weird hotel wearing a neon colored one piece jumpsuit ready to play, but I'm still in bed. So I get up, but all I have is my pajamas to play in, and you know those baggy pants are no good for dribbling through your legs. I also had no camera with which to document the whole event. Schucks.

So I was thinking about this Saturday. There are cool guys and there are sweet dudes. Cool guys are, well, cool guys. They're fun to hang out with and whatnot, and people generally like them. With sweet dudes, there's just something about them that makes everyone want to be around them. They don't have to be the most attractive or funny, people are just drawn to them regardless. I don't even know how to thoroughly describe it. All the words are in my head, I just can't get them out right, so here's a comparison. Kid A is invited to the parties and tells all the jokes, but there's not much more that meets the eye. Kid B is equally as funny and can be that kid A type, but he'll also sit down and have a real conversation with you, always there for whoever needs him. People always want him around, and sometimes they don't even know why. People constantly call him, and ask about him, and just want to be near him. Yada yada yada, repeating things, etc etc. My explanation is still weak, but who cares. I know what I mean, maybe you do too. Try and apply it to people you know. I was feeling like a cool guy this weekend. Happy, and empty. That's what I get for thinking too much. And please don't patronize me and tell me I'm a sweet dude, you probably don't know me if you're reading this.

And now...A RIDDLE! Kudos to Hope and her fairytale book for this one. So there's a big canyon with two bridges over it. One is a sturdy bridge, and one is weak. Now there's a troll guarding each bridge. One is a dishonest troll and one is a truth troll (HAHA). You don't know which troll is which. You can only approach one troll, and only ask the troll one question. What question do you ask to find out which bridge is safe? And yes, there is a correct answer. If you figure it out, you're probably the smartest person reading this. Ask your friends, family, bums, see if you can find the answer. Until next time.

Christopher Michael Tucker.