Road to joy.

Well, I can honestly say this was one of the best birthday's I've had. The party Friday went better than I ever could have imagined. The number of people there never reached 30, and I was totally okay with that. At one point, there were 24, double what Hope's mom had said we could have, yet she was totally fine, and even seemed to be enjoying herself a little bit.

Corey Goodman, alias Superfun Yeah Yeah Rocketship, showed up a little after 7 and started setting up. After changing into his Superfun clothes and confirming it would be okay to swear, he began to dominate. He is the world champion of rock after all. He has the title belt to prove it. He pranced around the basement for about an hour, touching everything and everyone. He brushed his hair with a cat brush. He put a soda in a barbie car and drove it around. He pushed around a vacuum. He threw away a shoe. It was great. Most everyone left a little after he played, for various reasons. Everyone was out a little after 12.

Yesterday I went to my grandma and grandpa's for the first part of the day. Then I had my birthday dinner with my dad. We went to Ponderosa, and they undercooked my steak. I hung out with Kyle, Tom, Kelly, Shelby, and Kevin Farrar. For those of you who don't know, the town I live in is right by the main St. Louis airport, Lambert. A few years ago, the airport decided it was time to expand, and kicked thousands of people out of their homes. The airport still hasn't really utilized much of the land, and many of the houses still stand. Some pictures of what they look like now can be found at http://www.flickr.com/search/?q=bridgeton+missouri+abandoned
That will help you get a better idea of what it's like around here. Anyways, we explored houses for awhile, with Kyle, Shelby, and I being the first to grow tired of it. We went back to the car and eventually drove to where the other 3 were, and left. Later, at Kyle's, his mom bit me because I smelled so good, and then I discovered I suck at wii boxing. I came home at 11, and read the first 40 pages of The Perks of Being A Wallflower.

For the last five years or so, I've been unable to cry, even when I want to, very, very badly. Last night, for the second time in recent memory, I had a dream where I cried. This is the second time this has happened, and the only explanation I can think of is that dreams are often tools for us to fulfill our innermost wishes. I was reading my book in the car before church today, and I felt like I was going to cry real, tangible tears, but nothing happened. I was very sad.

This afternoon I went to the Cardinals game, which we won, 3-0. I got to reminisce with my cousin Andrew and our friend Nathan. I also asked my friend Heather, who is the one letting me borrow Perks to come as well, since we had an extra ticket. I had a good time making jokes and being strange, and Heather told me I would make some woman very happy one day, and I hoped she was right. I was home around 5 and I took the next two hours to finish reading the book, which was very good and very sad.

The back of the book jacket reads, "Standing on the fringes of like offers a unique perspective, but there comes a time to see what it looks like from the dance floor." This book makes me want to push aside my inhabitions and go after what I really want. But life is not a book, and it would probably end in failure and alienation. Why yes, I am a coward. I know in the future, I will look back at these writings and think about what a stupid little emo kid I was, but I don't care. This is a snapshot of my life, and I'm going to remember it how it exactly how it was. I am trying to be happier.

Christopher Michael Tucker.